


This Other Life

by Rhang



Series: The Undying AU [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Bottom Sam Wilson, Emotions, Established Relationship, Growing while in love, Longing, M/M, Memory Loss, Reflection, long time lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22596622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhang/pseuds/Rhang
Summary: He reminded himself even though it was taking awhile, that Bucky was healing, that he was okay and while he was hurt, he would recover.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Series: The Undying AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625938
Comments: 16
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This picks up a year or so after the events of Old Wounds. 
> 
> Any mistakes are mine. I’ll fix them in time.

Sam solemnly walked into the regional hospital after getting a call at work that Bucky had been in a bad car accident and had been admitted. Sam calmed his nerves and checked in with the front desk to find out where the other was. It was a war of will battling his anxiety and fear at how his lover was doing but he reminded himself – they couldn’t die. As bad as it may be, Bucky wouldn’t succumb to his injuries. But as Sam repeated that in his mind he was reminded of 1834 when Bucky was caught in a rock slide. His arm had been smashed; mangled beyond recognition. They waited to see if his bones would set, if his flesh would heal but when it didn’t his arm was amputated. While it had taken a long while for Bucky to grow used to, as modern technology progressed Bucky opted for a prosthetic eventually after decades.

As scary as that had all been Bucky made it through, Sam echoed in his mind.

As he arrived at the hospital room given to him, Sam walked into the cold, dimly lit room and heard the distinct sound of a heart monitor. He rounded the curtain and saw the other bruised black and blue on his face. His flesh arm was bandaged. Other than that he looked as if he were peacefully sleeping. Sam moved to the chair beside the bed and touched Bucky’s arm gently.

When the doctor came in they explained that Buck was badly hurt and lucky to be alive. Sam only smiled at the back of his mind.

 _If only you knew doc_ , Sam thought in the moment as he settled in to wait for the other to wake.

As night fell, Sam began to doze off holding Bucky’s hand. Though the other wasn’t grasping back it brought Sam back to just the evening before when Bucky was kissing his hand softly as they relaxed in bed reading a book together. Bucky had laid his head in Sam’s lap as Sam read the story aloud for him to hear. Sam had just tucked a few strands of Bucky’s hair behind his ear when the other took his hand and began pressing soft kisses against his knuckles. Sam could hear the smile in his own words as he felt the other’s lips against his hand but he continued reading nonetheless.

Sam opened his eyes to a still unconscious Bucky before him; such drastic contrast to the one in his semi-dream moments ago. Sam sat up and touched the other’s cheek.

“Take your time. I’m right here,” Sam whispered to him. “ _As I always am, and always will be._ ” Sam said in the old tongue.

* * *

Days passed where Sam slept and stayed in the hospital room at Bucky’s side as he waited for the other to wake. Sam gazed out the window and observed the gloomy day outside as he reminded himself even though it was taking awhile, that Bucky was healing, that he was okay and while he was hurt, he would recover.

“Hello?” Sam heard from the bed. He turned to the bed happy to see the other awake and blinking his eyes.

“Hey,” Sam said walking over. He smiled warmly as he looked at the other. He moved to lean down and give Bucky a kiss when the other pulled away.

“Who are you?” Bucky mumbled.

Sam stopped in his tracks and stared into the eyes examining him with confusion.

“James, it’s me,” Sam said softly as he slowly stood up straight again so he could see him.

“Who is James?” he asked looking around worried.

Sam felt his chest tighten. _Bucky didn’t recognize him?_

Sam left to find a nurse who brought the doctor back to the hospital room.

“Why doesn’t he remember me?” Sam asked feeling worry pool in his stomach.

After checking Bucky’s responses and his vitals, the doctor sighed.

“Trauma sometimes brings memory loss,” the doctor explained with a heavy tone. She looked at the depressed look on Sam’s face. “There’s no knowing how long it could take for his memories to come back, if ever. But that doesn’t mean they won’t. Just as his body needs time to recover so does his mind, give it time.”

“Thank you doctor,” Sam said, glancing over at Bucky who was staring out the window as if lost.

The doctor touched Sam’s shoulder in parting before she left the room.

Bucky touched his left arm and looked at his metal prosthetic. “Did I lose my arm in the accident?” he asked looking to Sam saddened.

Sam looked over at him and stepped out of his feelings for a second as he heard the question. He didn’t remember _anything_ at all. Sam started to understand what he may have to do while Bucky was without his memory.

“Ugh, no. You lost your arm in a different accident a long time ago,” Sam explained moving to stand by the bed.

“Who-who are you exactly?” Bucky asked looking into his eyes.

Sam touched Bucky’s prosthetic hand and grasped it with his own. “My name is Samuel. Your name is James,” Sam stated softly.

“Samuel,” Bucky said trying the name on his tongue.

Sam felt a twinge of sadness fall over him. “Yeah, that’s my name.”

Over the next week Sam sat with Bucky and worked on explaining and bringing the other up to speed about simple things regarding his life. Sam remained careful to leave out things that he knew Bucky wouldn’t be able to process just yet, their immortality being the main topic.

As the days went by Bucky regained his bearings and absorbed some of the things Sam had told him. But there was so much he couldn’t remember and didn’t understand. The pain had begun to subside finally but he still had bandages and stitches in places on his body. But he looked forward to the day he could leave the hospital room and get back on his feet. Something inside of him didn’t want to be stationary any longer.

When they prepared Bucky for discharge from the hospital, he felt excitement in being able to leave. As he stood on his crutches on the curb outside he glanced over at the handsome man beside him and looked forward to learning just how he knew this handsome man named Sam.


	2. Chapter 2

Upon returning home, Sam worked at getting the other settled and comfortable. While Bucky tried to help he would find himself unsure of his surroundings not sure of where anything was.

“Just have a seat and relax,” Sam instructed. “I’m going to fix us something to eat.” Sam left the room leaving Bucky by himself. He took a seat and found the remote on the table. He turned on the TV to watch something, same as he’d done in the hospital to pass the time. 

Sam brought him a sandwich and water for which Bucky thanked him. As he began to eat he looked at Sam.

“You’re not eating too?” he asked.

“I’m not hungry right now. I have some things to do around the house. Been gone for a while with you in the hospital,” Sam said before he left Bucky to his lunch and started rounding up items from around the house. He wanted to try jogging the other’s memory with objects from their past.

After Bucky finished eating, Sam sat with him on the couch. Bucky watched the other lay out items on the small table in front of them and waited for the other to explain what was going on.

Sam placed a photo, a folded blanket and a gold bangle on the table. He looked at Bucky and examined his reaction to seeing the items. Bucky picked up the photo and looked at it. In the picture there was Sam and a man that looked like himself, they were seated together smiling into the camera. Bucky had his arm slung over Sam’s shoulder.

He looked over at Sam as nothing came up from looking at the image.

Bucky touched the blanket’s material. He picked up the item and brought it to his nose to give it a smell, remembering what the nurses said about olfactory memory helping as well. However nothing came to him from the blanket. He touched the gold bangle with his fingertips. Weathered and tarnished from age he was surprised at the bracelet’s weight as he picked it up. Sam held his breath a bit as the other examined the bracelet closely. But Bucky gave no further indication that anything had come from interacting with the piece of jewelry. 

Sam looked to the photo and remembered the party they’d attended that night in 1993. They were together at the time and it had been a few days before they parted ways last time. The blanket was something Bucky had made himself back in the 1940s when he’d taken a shine to learning how to weave and loom fabrics. Sam took the gold bracelet back from Bucky’s hands and felt his heart turn holding it. Sam turned the bangle and found the inscription Bucky hadn’t been able to locate. The name ‘ _Samuel_ ’ had been beautifully engraved on the inside of the bracelet when Bucky had originally given it to him in 1832. Now a bit worn like most of Sam’s favorite pieces of jewelry, his name was a bit difficult to find unless one knew where to look.

Sam gathered the items and rose from the couch sadly.

“I’m sorry I don’t remember,” Bucky said aloud as he read Sam’s body language.

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. It can’t be helped right now,” Sam said turning around to look at the face of the man he loved. “Just thought it might help…showing you these.”

Sam returned the items to their resting spaces as Bucky grasped his hands together. He looked around the home and thought about the picture he’d seen of them just then. When Sam came back out to the front room Bucky asked, “Do we both live here? Like together?”

Sam looked at the other and chose his words carefully.

“Yes we both live here,” he replied. But he stopped himself from admitting they were a couple. With the other’s memories gone Sam refrained from implanting any beliefs or ideas in Bucky’s mind. He wanted to let Bucky get better in his own time. There were things he wanted Bucky to learn on his own.

At bedtime, Sam finished his shower and asked if Bucky remembered how to do everything.

Bucky stared at the shower setup. It was different from the hospital where the nurse had helped him. Sam shook his head and turned the water on for him and showed Bucky exactly what he was doing so he could turn it off once he was done.

When Bucky still seemed unsure of himself in the bathroom Sam joked with him. “You get in naked. You know, take your clothes off _then_ you get in.”

Sam gave a soft smile and that put Bucky to ease. Sam left the other to his privacy and stepped out into their bedroom. He took a seat on his side of the bed and wondered how much longer the other would go without his memories. It had already been two weeks.

In their one bedroom, two bath home, Sam looked over at Bucky hesitating at getting in the bed.

“We sleep in the same bed?” Bucky asked confused.

“Yes,” Sam said realizing he’d _have to_ open up about this and explain.

Bucky sat down and looked at Sam laying underneath the covers comfortably.

“Are we together Sam? Romantically?”

Sam sat up and glanced over at the other. “We are,” he confirmed. There was something about having to tell his love what they meant to one another that bruised something inside of Sam. “I didn’t say anything because I wanted you to remember on your own. But yes, we are together.”

Bucky took in the information. “How long?”

Sam looked over into his eyes and remembered the centuries they’d been together walking the longest road to eternity with one another. Sam bit his tongue explaining their immortality even though he knew the other wanted honesty from him in that moment.

“A long time,” Sam said turning over to get comfortable. “Now sleep.”

Sam rested his head on his pillow and felt Bucky lay down. In the dark, amidst the silence of their room, Sam let a few tears fall as he desperately wished Bucky would hold him close as Bucky would do every night.


	3. Chapter 3

**– 2 Months Later –**

As the days progressed and Bucky’s memory hadn’t returned, Sam resigned himself to adjusting to his lover’s needs. He’d come to learn that Bucky didn’t need to be stared at day in and day out as if Sam were waiting for something to happen. That wasn’t helpful to the situation nor was it living. Instead Sam decided to reintroduce Bucky to the things Bucky once enjoyed, to give the other some of his pleasures and comforts back while trying to recover.

They watched movies, read books, poetry and did activities that Bucky had loved. While some of it didn’t resonate with him, he wasn’t completely adverse to any of them. Sam prepared dishes Bucky liked but wasn’t totally surprised he liked them all. The other generally enjoyed everything Sam made.

As the days turned into weeks and weeks to months, Sam meditated on their relationship. He pondered about what made their bond so strong after so many centuries, despite everything they’d faced. Sam realized their connection had deepened beyond their love. They shared the ability to walk slowly through time together; they could reflect and discuss the changes around them. In their eternity they shared the burden of seeing the passage of time by remembering their long life _together_.

_To remember._

However his companion couldn’t remember any of that. In the dark at night Sam shed tears at the thought of the Bucky he once knew being gone forever. He mourned the man he loved as he supported and cared for the one now by his side as it seemed more likely every day that his memories would be gone forever. It shifted something inside of Sam, not quite a break but a blow, as the burden of their memories now rested squarely on his shoulders.

At the stove, Bucky cooked dinner for the two of them as Sam had just come in from work. He’d begun to remember little things, bits of the poetry Sam had read to him days ago, plots of movies Sam hadn’t even shown him, but his past with Sam still wasn’t back yet. He’d seen the sadness on Sam’s face and the look in Sam’s eyes every time he looked at him. Bucky wanted to recover; he wanted to remember more than anything. He wished Sam could look at him and see what he was searching for because he couldn’t stand the other looking so heartbroken while he was around.

When they sat down to eat and talked about their day Bucky listened intently as Sam spoke. He wasn’t sure when it happened…but it did. He didn’t remember Sam, couldn’t remember their history but Bucky had become aware that he _liked_ Sam. He went from trying to remember how to use a phone to feeling his heart start racing when the other walked into the room.

He liked Sam’s voice, his eyes, his kindness. Bucky found himself stealing looks at the other more and more often whenever they were in the same room. He found himself crushing on the beautiful man and it brought a quiet happiness to his heart that this little thing was something he was **certain** of in the midst of so much uncertainty in his life. But as much happiness as it brought him, he knew he only had the face of the man Sam loved; he was nowhere near all that Sam hoped for.

“I left out the capers so don’t worry,” Bucky pointed out as Sam picked up his fork to eat.

Sam stopped and stared for a moment. Bucky loved capers. He usually still included them in his food even if he kept them out of Sam’s food.

“Why did you do that?” Sam asked wondering if it would jog the other’s memory.

Bucky thought about it for a second then shrugged. “I don’t know, I just did,” he explained unable to understand why he’d done it.

Then he noticed Sam looking at him expectantly for traces of Bucky’s former self…and once again he failed the test. Bucky cast his eyes down to his plate and tried not to take the look personally.

Sam sighed under his breath and shook it off. He should have known by now that Bucky would do things and have no rationale for them. They were just bits of routine and habit coming back, and it didn’t mean anything significant, so he shouldn’t let his hopes climb with every little instance.


	4. Chapter 4

**– 2 Months Later –**

Out walking around downtown they were out shopping when it started to drizzle rain all around them. Without thinking Bucky pulled Sam close to his side with an arm around the other’s shoulders as the rain grew heavier. They huddled together. Four months after the accident, Sam had stopped reading into every interaction between them or gazing over to see if Bucky was doing something with intention. He’d made a strong peace with where they were. He could carry the memories for the both of them as long as Bucky was by his side.

They stepped into a covered alleyway to wait out the rain. They parted to shake the water from their coats. Sam watched the rain fall in the distance for a moment before he noticed Bucky watching him. Not with a knowing look as he would before the accident but with a look of open admiration. Sam had to admit, while the other had no memory of him or what they once were, Sam couldn’t argue that having the one he loved still look at him with such emotion was comforting. He stared back and leaned against the wall behind him. Bucky leaned in and kissed Sam’s lips softly, tentatively.

They had begun sharing kisses months ago but they were infrequent and felt exploratory. But their current kiss reminded Sam of how their lips used to touch during the night in the old country, in secret when what they had was still in its infancy.

Bucky pressed his lips against his own with a confidence that brought desire to the surface of Sam’s skin. He shared a bed with his love night after night. The memory loss had taken not only their familiarity but also their intimacy and the closeness they liberally enjoyed with one another.

 _“Oh how I want you so much right now_ ,” Sam whispered in the old tongue as he looked at Bucky’s handsome face.

Bucky only watched Sam’s expression. He didn’t ask what Sam had said or what it meant. Sam often said things in a language he didn’t understand. Bucky only acknowledged that he heard Sam speak with a nod.

The day was cold and grey and he wanted to pull Sam close somewhere warm and hold him. 

“What if we go home and retire early?” Bucky asked holding Sam’s hand in his own as he watched his expression. He’d had the urge to ask Sam sooner than this, but there was something about the atmosphere, the rain, the look in Sam’s eye that made Bucky take the chance. They’d taken things slow with kisses and touches here and there but Bucky wondered if Sam was okay sleeping with only part of the man he loved.

Sam considered the question and nodded his head. He brought the other close and kissed him again. He kissed Bucky as he would any other time he was in the mood and smiled inside when he heard the other moan into their kiss. When they parted, Bucky’s eyes were closed; the look on his face was that of bliss; that of a man that had just tasted something addicting. Sam swallowed the grin on his lips at the other’s reaction before he took his hand and led him back out into the rain so they could make it home. 

* * *

Bucky had questioned everything about himself in the beginning after leaving the hospital, his name, whether he liked rain or sunshine, down to his attraction to men when Sam told him they were a couple. But as he stood nude in their bedroom holding Sam in his arms, his initial doubt in that arena had been obliterated. These feelings were real, his heart yearned for Sam’s touch, kiss and warmth in ways that startled him at times but they were nonetheless true.

Sam ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair as he kissed at Sam’s cheek gently.

“You’re hesitating. Is everything alright?” Bucky whispered wondering if maybe Sam was having second thoughts.

Sam swallowed the smile on his lips and shook his head. “I’m fine. I’m just not looking forward to having to teach you how to do this all over again,” Sam explained looking into his eyes.

Bucky smirked at the comment as he rested his hand on Sam’s hip. “You taught me this once before?” he asked, amused at the thought for some reason.

Sam thought about it and nodded. “In a way, yes, but there were things you seemed to pick up naturally but you still needed my guidance,” Sam said softly lacing his words with a playful jab Bucky wouldn’t be able to recognize as he felt his skin warm with anticipation. “But that was long ago…lifetimes ago.”

Something about Sam’s words drew Bucky in as he pressed his lips to his again. Sam’s taste was sweet, alluring, he couldn’t get enough of kissing the other.

“Then take your time with this lesson. I want to get the best understanding,” he whispered against Sam’s soft lips as he felt his hands against the other’s skin.

Sam pressed himself closer to Bucky’s body so no space remained between them as he took another moment to hold him close before they laid down.

They took everything slow, being careful not to rush. While it felt a little different, Sam couldn’t deny Bucky’s hands on his body was still as good as it had always been. His lips on his skin still lit a fire in his heart.

As they lay spent from making love, Sam moved closer to Bucky beside him and got into his arms. As Sam snuggled closer to him, Bucky held him as he listened as the rain continued to pour outside their bedroom window. Bucky nuzzled in close as he brushed his nose against Sam hair and felt something in his heart settle in a distinct way he couldn’t describe, like he’d been waiting for this exact moment for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

**– 2 Months Later –**

Carrying the laundry back to their room, Bucky worked on the housework since he had the day off. Sam was getting ready to leave for work. Bucky walked up the hall to their room and glanced at a picture on the wall in the hallway, the same one that caught his eye every time he passed it. 

Sam grabbed his bag off the couch to head out the door for work.

“Babe I’m on my way out! See you later! _I love you eternally_ ,” Sam said in parting as he opened the door. He added a bit of the old language at the end. He knew Bucky didn’t understand it anymore but it was a habit he was working on curbing.

“ _Forever and always my love_ ,” Bucky replied effortlessly.

Everything stopped. Sam froze where he stood and turned his head to look at Bucky scared for some reason. Their eyes locked with a mutual look of shock.

Sam turned to look at Bucky and uttered, “ _You understand me?_ ”

“ _I understand you_ ,” Bucky replied seconds later. He understood what Sam had said, he could hear Sam’s accent and discern his proper annunciation of the words as well.

Sam dropped his things by the door and ran back into the house. Bucky dropped the laundry basket and opened his arms as Sam launched himself into his embrace. He held Sam tight in his arms and felt his body tremble.

“You remember us?” Sam asked hoping against hope that Bucky’s answer would be ‘yes’.

“I remember my love,” Bucky breathed in relief holding Sam tight in his arms.

It was like a veil had randomly lifted and he knew things he didn’t know yesterday. He knew, and suddenly understood every single look Sam had given him in the past four months and his heart quaked. He couldn’t imagine Sam not remembering him for that long. Six months had passed while his memories were gone. He knew it wasn’t his fault but he still felt bad as he remembered every moment he told Sam he didn’t remember him.

Sam closed his eyes and felt his throat begin to tighten on difficult emotions.

They had been getting there; Sam had been ready to move forward as they were. He really was. But he couldn’t deny the relief he felt with Bucky’s memory coming back. Sam pressed his face into Bucky’s neck and cried his joy at having him back. The arms around him remembered, they understood.

He wasn’t alone anymore. 

"I really missed you," Sam whispered among his tears.

Bucky felt a few tears fall as he whispered, "I’ve missed you too." He moved to place kisses all over his love’s face and wiped the tears from Sam’s cheeks. “ _Oh baby, it’s alright. It’s okay._ _Don’t cry anymore_ ,” Bucky said in the old language.

Hearing the words roll off Bucky’s tongue effortlessly soothed Sam’s heart.

“Yeah,” Sam said sucking back his tears. “It will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we have it. I've been busy with work but still came through with an ending for this! Hope it was a nice read, if so leave me a kudo or comment down below. As always I love hearing that yall think of these stories. 
> 
> Until the next one, take care!


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